I insisted on leaving..

3 May

Hey peeps , I think I came back for about two weeks and it’s really time for me to wake up and do some life planning 😛

I thought I was one of those crazy people around my circle.

I had this thought when I was in year 2 in RP, of leaving SG for one month to relax, rest, observe and think about my future and life planning..

After all, that would be the best gift for myself, after “suffering crappy shit” in RP. Well, it wasn’t exactly crappy shit because I realized, after graduating from RP, I was able to use RP style studying to help my friend who was having a bachelor program’s exam.

The lecturer from his biz admin course literally spoon fed him on the topics that will be tested and what are the areas to concentrate on.. It was too easy~ I always wondered, would I had scored better if I was studying this way ?

But anyways, I helped him studied and at first he was clueless, but after two days of “tutoring” him, he managed to confidently pass him exam 🙂 SO yeah~ RP wasn’t so bad after all, perhaps it just didn’t suit my type of learning, cause everyone has their own learning style and there’s no right or wrong..

Well, back to the point where I insisted on leaving..

I was reading Xiaobai’s blog where I found similarities in our thinking ; http://blog.omy.sg/smallwhite/2012/03/30/%E6%88%91%E4%BE%86%E5%92%AF%EF%BC%81%EF%BC%81%EF%BC%81/

I wanted to leave SG no matter what it takes..

Practically saying, I was alone, with a few days Lao Niang went with me and then I was alone for the rest of the month ~

Xiaobai was saying, he didn’t wanted his life to be like this, there will be gives and takes, but in life, there must be colors, and try to live your dream no matter what…

If you have a dream and you gave up because of social issues/ environmental issues, you would wonder in your old age, what would happen if you did chased your dreams?

I saw that in my parents, nothing to be changed, it was just hopeless.. I saw that in lots of people, who were just blindly studying for the sake of studying and not knowing what they want in life..

Similarly, I had friends who pursue their dreams, doing what they like in life.. People like Xiaobai, XiaoJ, Alex, Celeste and many more..

It was a sudden thought, I remembered a conversation with Ken on my Birthday.. I was chatting with him about my directions etc. And he told me.. I should go after what I want when I’m young and have the energy to do it..

There was this one touching moment when I stepped into Taoyuan International Airport.. Being an avid fan of Taiwan Dramas, I always wondered how I would look like when I stepped into their airport for the first time in my life..

I wanted to know the answer to whether I should chase my dreams, whether I want this kind of life that I was going through?

So I went, mostly alone, and people I met always tells me that I’m amazing or sing praises because of my courage to travel alone, no map, know nothing, just brought my mouth LOL

It was an unknown feeling to me, of how I’ll manage myself in a foreign country, what will happen to me ? Who will I meet and what if I encounter an accident? I literally had to take almost all my money out to travel, bidding goodbyes to people in my SG life; Nata, Carmen, Nana and so on..

In fact, I met with an accident, which was the most serious one I had, literally I can’t walk and had to sit in wheelchair to get through the Hong Kong Immigration and went into an ambulance for the first time.. But I had no regrets~ You live life once~

It was a tough decision but the key thing is , I decided..

Saw Ah Bao posted on FB that he had a client who had a sad life which left her scarred but Ah Bao changed her life and she left with a smile; “You have the choice to rewrite your life to a happy one” ..

Indeed true, that was what I did when I left home when I was 16.. I wanted a happy life, not somehow somewhere I had to decide according to social stigma, pressures from people who didn’t even know what happened..

I remembered what one of my aunt told me.. She “ordered” me not to leave home because my Mum told them about me having the thought to leave home, but then again, I had no home to go back to ..

The place I was previously staying with my parents was literally a house, nothing more..

Hahaha, shall not go into details, because I actually had the urge to come out with lots of complaints, but I certainly had a very very very valid reason for leaving..

To be frank, I planned to leave when I was 11, to leave at 16…

It was the legal age to leave home.. And to my “aunt” who was always badmouthing me and restricting me just because you’re my aunt? Listen up all my relatives, you have no right to restrict me, simply because you totally don’t understand why I had to leave.. In fact, I still went “home” to visit occasionally for about a few months, until I was “thrown” out.. yeah~

Anyways, enough of complaining, I had a choice, to keep things in “harmony” and live with shitty conditions or leave the situation and find a “sky” of my own… (translation from Chinese of “Zhao yi pian tian kong”) LOL

And I left.. Shouldering loads and loads of comments/ scoldings etc. from all my ignorant relatives who didn’t know what happened..

The ones who knew what happened and had the ability to help me didn’t help.. But instead, questioned my ability to deal with it..

I can actually stay in a shelter, but I don’t want, I actually worked my ass off all the public holidays, every weekend and so on.. Just to be able to afford whatever I have now..

It was simply by a choice.. And I insisted on that instead of relying on people who was around me..

Nvm,I believe there are loads of people out there in this “Singapore” society who are “forced” to do what they had to do.. People have dreams, especially young people, but who are the ones who persisted and managed to live it?

To chase after the blue sky or not; your choice 🙂

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